Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So vagazzling was a success
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
