I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
