never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
