We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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