John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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