He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
