I showed him my bush... on skype.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
soo... how was my night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize