you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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