Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
