I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
