Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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