Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
