I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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