Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
