i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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