I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
