Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize