Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
