I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
how drunk are you?
Several
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
