All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
