My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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