3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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