whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
