When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
