I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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