I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
