If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
