mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
