The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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