I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
