Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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