That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
