Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
