idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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