Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
