dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
People in love make me want to vomit
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
