Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh god it's open bar.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
