worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
