Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
