Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize