Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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