A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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