In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
