WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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