Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
