Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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