Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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