They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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