Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
