I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it glows. i had to have it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
