tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
