you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize