quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
