I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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