well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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