I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
