Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
