Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
