That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
