I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
