Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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