i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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