I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
