It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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