We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
