its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
