i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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